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  1. We are now just over the QLD border from the NT on our slow way home, and camping on the Camooweal Billabong. We chose the bottom billabong, as it’s less crowded. At a guess it’s 3 kms from the main highway to the bottom pool What a great spot. Lots of bird life, including egrets, whistling kites, a black swan, etc. This is a popular spot and by late afternoon all spots near us are taken. But no one is too close. The road in is a bit chopped up (they had recent rains, now dried out) but nothing we couldn’t handle with ease. I imagine it could get a bit dusty here but after the recent rains it is nice and fresh, In town is a good water point and dump point, so if approaching from the East, fill up before going out to the waterholes. And a bonus, last night we met up with other Kedronites who are on the forum, Liz and Gary Woods. It was great to chat!
    6 points
  2. Please join us for a relaxing weekend at Robertson Showground (140Ks Sth of Sydney,47 Ks SW of Wollongong) in the Southern Highlands All Kedron Caravan Owners welcome. Arrive Friday leave Monday, 3 Nights. Showers Toilets Camp Kitchen and hall available for our use. Dogs OK $20 Per van per night Power and Water. Lots to see and do in the area. Friday evening happy hour we will have a trivia quiz with some great prizes (thanks to Glen Gall) Saturday night for those interested we will have dinner at the Bowling Club. 2315 Kangaloon Road Robertson NSW (Enter from High Street) Please let me know if you are coming.
    5 points
  3. After years of traveling with our Kedron all over Australia, I didn't realise how much you get used to the luxury of a van. Recently we had to make a hurried trip to Queensland. I flew and Paul drove as we knew we would need the car for anything up to six weeks. Having only the day before returned from Europe we had no time to get the van prepared before we urgently had to be in Queensland. On our return trip, I knew I was going to have to go 'camping'. Didn't really realise what this would entail until we got on the road. School holidays and the PGA tour in Kalgoorlie meant that we couldn't get accommodation at some places. We drove past most free camps with our tent in the car, and only used Baxters Rest stop because it had a toilet. I kept looking out the window going we could stop there or there or there. Staying in Broken Hill during 30 hours of rain was not fun, and at 11pm we had to move to a Motel because we were ringing wet. The Kedron doesn't leak I thought. My sister and children are sure that Paul took me camping so I would appreciate the van more. We managed to get three days at Elliston S.A. Only drizzled there, but by now we had learnt a few things on how to cope without 'Q' (our Kedron). Our last night on the road was in Kalgoorlie. Our site was concrete - all concrete so pitching the tent was interesting. Besser bricks may have come into play to hold the tent in place. This time we were smarter, and got an en suite in case it rained, we would have somewhere to run to if this happened. When we got home to Perth I went out and gave the Kedron a cuddle. Hopefully in the future we will be able to get out for some short trips. My dad is coming over for a few months soon, and Paul thinks that at 87 he can go with us and stay in the tent. Stop laughing I haven't found a way to break it to him that dad would probably get our bed and we will be back out in the tent. We will see, we will see.
    5 points
  4. 1x 250grpack of Salada Biscuits 200grms Butter 185grm (1 cup) soft brown sugar 1 tsp vanilla essence Generous pinch of salt 200gr dark chocolate chopped Turn oven to 180 degrees. Line a baking tray (approx 300x250cm) with foil then baking paper. Lay out Saladas in a single layer to fit the tray. The Caramel - melt the butter and sugar together in a saucepan over medium heat, stirring occasionally for about five minutes until it is thick and "gloopy". Stir in vanilla and salt. Take the caramel off the heat and quickly our it over the Saladas. Smooth with spatula. Put tray in oven for 15 minutes until the caramel has darkened. Remove from oven and cool for a few minutes, then sprinkle the chopped chocolate over the toffee. As the chocolate melts spread it evenly over the base. (Some cut up pistachios sprinkled on top can be a festive addition). Allow your "Crack" to cool then snap into pieces - any odd shape will do and store in an airtight container in the frig. ENJOY!! Sorry, there is no photo, I made this recipe for the Christmas gathering at Ruberns Lagoon last week and it disappeared before I had a chance to take a photo.
    5 points
  5. A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said “A penny for your thoughts, Angus?” “Well, uh, I was thinkin’… perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss?” The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?” “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s noo time aboot time for a wee cuddle?” The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?” “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg”. The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?” The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. “Well, noo” he said “my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time”. “Really?” said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation. “Aye” said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Then he said “Dae ye nae think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”
    5 points
  6. A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o’clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o’clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks" He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight. "Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired." (P.S. - Yeah, I didn't see it coming, either)
    5 points
  7. My Mother taught me to read when I was 3 years old (her first mistake). One day I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was slightly open. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she was keeping napkins in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen? Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts she told me that those were for special occasions. Now fast forward a few months. It's Thanksgiving Day and my folks are leaving to pick up the pastor and his wife for Thanksgiving Dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table. You guessed it! When they returned, the pastor came in first and immediately burst into laughter. Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling. Next came my father, who roared with laughter. Then came mom, who almost died of emarassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tails in so they didn't hang off the edge. My mother asked me why I used these and of course my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter. "But Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!"
    5 points
  8. Good Morning folks, it’s Friday Funny time again. Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late at night and raining very hard with thunder and lightning. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding. Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards it, which is coming from a large, old house. He hastily knocks on the door. A minute passes and a small, hunched-back old man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We've been in a terrible car accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "We don't have a phone. But my master is a doctor, come in, and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail, and Bob and Betty Hill both died. The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, haunting melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch a movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, also marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the Conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his Master, "Master, Master... The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music…!"
    5 points
  9. Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once their vows are exchanged? Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation. When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts where the brain absorbs these three stimuli: Aisle, altar, and hymn. She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions: Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn. And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself: 'I'll alter him!’ HERE ENDETH THE LESSON
    5 points
  10. Romantic Australians! You can't get more romantic than this! Aussie stockman and his wife had just got married and found a quiet hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room. He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed." The clerk winked, ‘Do you want the 'Bridal'?' The drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied, "Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."
    5 points
  11. Seamus starts his new job at the Dublin zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything... He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure. He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?" The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had .... Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees!!..
    5 points
  12. An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten-litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked. Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile' Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast
    5 points
  13. The Brothel Parrot . . . A woman went to a pet shop where she immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. 'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, so it says some pretty vulgar stuff.' The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.' The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then realized 'that's really not so bad.' When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.' The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, 'Hi Keith'
    5 points
  14. Yesterday we were travelling on the Western Fwy into Brisbane. Minding our own business, enjoying the drive towards the ‘factory’ we heard a noise from under the bonnet and an unusual smell through the dash vents. Moments later I lost the power assist from the steering and brakes.........luckily there was a verge on the roadside that we could make a hasty ‘safe’ stop. Upon stopping, after opening the bonnet, I found that the A/C compressor had seized & thrown/destroyed the serpentine drive belt resulting in loss of steering & braking assist. Being a member of NRMA I rang them for assistance, they then connected me with RACQ who would (hopefully) offer me reciprocal service as we obviously weren’t in NSW. RACQ were aware of my situation re vehicle (type/size) & caravan (total length & weight) after sending two different flat top tow trucks the later be larger than the first.....RACQ (bless them) said they couldn’t assist, yes they could tow the truck, but NOT the van and I wasn’t going to leave my van on the roadside. I then contacted NRMA again, rembering I had ‘Premium Plus’ roadside assist......possibly should have mentioned that to the NRMA operator in the first instance......but then my rego number/membership number should have brought that up for the operator to see. Loooooong story short with with NRMA Premium Plus cover.....in no time there was a ‘Super Tilt’ low loader (see photo) there to take/tow me to Lawnton Showground. After a quiet beverage or two and another phone call to NRMA, I found that out that having Premium Plus cover entitled me to a second tow for the truck (to the repairer in Gympie) and the hire of a 200 series (which is all but NEW) to tow my van home. This is a long winded post but, if you have a tow vehicle and van that EXCEEDS your states motoring organisation limits consider NRMA Premium Plus cover. Usual disclaimer.......NO affiliation with NRMA other than being a happy customer.
    5 points
  15. Since we are house sitting in Cairns and be away May and June . Thinking about a gathering in August . https://www.goomeribushcamp.com.au Doesn’t matter if it’s a gathering of one or fifty one . Details in a few days . Thanks Nev and Penny
    5 points
  16. Annie & I would like to wish all members & visitors to this site, the safest & most joyous Christmas. 🎄 May Christmas and the New Year bring you everything you wish for and more. Fingers crossed that life as we knew it, before March 2020 returns before too long! Travel safe & remember there are idiots out there! In closing, the Kedron Owners Group AGM is being held next month (see seperate notice), I am definitely stepping down as President.....Seriously hoping someone will put their hand up for the Sec/Tres position. SERIOUSLY it is not an onerous job, (ongoing assistance & training freely given, if required) maybe a husband & wife or a partnership between two separate people (one doing each job). For the group to survive AND grow we need you to assist and nominate!! Cheers Tony H
    5 points
  17. Hi all, We had a new 23'6 JB Dirt Road Extreme but sold it last year and decided to buy a 2009 21' Kedron ATV-2 instead. Although the weights are similar, it is smaller and will be easier to manoeuvre, as well as being more robust. We will be taking it on its first trip (with us) to Yeppoon in a couple of weeks. Look forward to seeing how it goes.
    4 points
  18. All going well, we plan to leave here at home in SA on Friday, for our annual migration to warmer places. It has been a much later start this year as we had family related stuff to do here. Our plan is to head North to Alice Springs and then West across the Great Central Road to WA. Our itinerary takes us North up the Oodnadatta Track after a few days around Clare then the Flinders Ranges. We should head off from Yulara on the GCR on 27 June. I think we will stay the night at Curtin Springs before hand. The van's wheel bearings have been greased, the floors washed, bed made, and some food already in the van. I can't wait to enjoy warmer weather! Will we see any of you out and about on these roads?
    4 points
  19. New owner of cp5 used compact.
    4 points
  20. We loved touring Tassie with our van. I posted trip reports here, (in 2018) so you might do a search in case you find it interesting or helpful. chris Stage 4 June 2018 Tasmania.pdfStage 3 May 2018 Tasmania.pdfStage 2 April to 2018 Tasmania.pdfStage 1 March to April 2018 Tasmania.pdf
    4 points
  21. The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk. The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again. They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask their wise rabbi, what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. “Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side.” The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, “Did you buy this cow from Minsk?” The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. “You are truly a wise rabbi,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?” The rabbi answered sadly, “My wife is from Minsk.
    4 points
  22. Another instalment. In this trip report we get closer to SA, and catch up with fellow Kedronners. Stage 2 July 2022 Pine Creek to Norley.pdf
    4 points
  23. Good Afternoon folks, it’s Friday Funny time again. A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says: 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 88th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up' says the bartender As she finishes that drink, The man to her left says 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up' the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies ’Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor... holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
    4 points
  24. Must be true........ A new report shows that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising health benefits. Being 3 to 6 Kg overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from Tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates. Those carrying 7 to 12 Kg extra are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report. 12 to 18 Kg of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostrate, and colon cancer. In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter and friendlier. The study was funded by a research grant from: McDonalds, Burger King, Pizza Hut, KFC, Burgerman, Dominos, M&M, Cadbury and Nestle Chocolates.
    4 points
  25. Ain’t it the truth.. An Obituary printed in the London Times.....Absolutely Dead Brilliant!! Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn't always fair; - And maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, -by his parents, Truth and Trust, -by his wife, Discretion, -by his daughter, Responsibility, -and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 5 stepchildren; - I Know My Rights - I Want It Now - Someone Else Is To Blame - I'm A Victim - Pay me for Doing Nothing Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing
    4 points
  26. Hi Matt and Tony 300s are being delivered albeit slowly, and we hope to get ours - a GLX - sometime this decade! But possibly February. I have had a short drive of a VX and a GXL but only a few ks. The higher the spec in the 300s you go the less load capacity, which is why, apart from $$$$s, we chose the GXL, although the GX beats it by about 85kg. Matt, Glen from Kedron made a U Tube or suchlike of a test he was involved in courtesy of Toyota. I rang and spoke to Glen and he was very impressed with the way it performed with one of their vans hooked up to it. Google Toyota Landcruiser 300 goes outback caravanning. Kedron now has a 300. Dealers are forbidden to discount however, but there could be a few exceptions. A word of warning: if you are to have any accessories fitted, do that post sale because if included in the purchase price you pay luxury tax on them. Cheers, Barry
    4 points
  27. A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT IS THAT WHILE JEWS MAKE UP ABOUT 2% OF THE U.S. POPULATION, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THEY MADE UP 50% OF THE FAMOUS COMEDIANS. Danny Kaye, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Woody Allen, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Benny, Mansel Rubenstein and so many others. There was not one single swear word in their comedy. JUST A FEW EXAMPLES: * I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. * I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! * What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!" * Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. * We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. * My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. * My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. * She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. * The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months. * The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!". * Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I am 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" * Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer it!" * A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." * Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. * The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now. *There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the foetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak. "The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days. "The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call." A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody." Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised? A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
    4 points
  28. An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says: “Why don't you put an ad in the paper?” The farmer does. Two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. ______________________________ __
    4 points
  29. Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoeshine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market? ” The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic? ” The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market. ” "What's your name? " asked the executive. John H. Smith was the reply. The CEO arrives at the bank and asked the Manager of the Customer Department; Do we have a client named John H. Smith? "Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, "he is a high net worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account. ” The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honour at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience. ” At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. " We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.” Mr. Smith began his story. "I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele.I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a hooker in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
    4 points
  30. For those of us travelling and keen to get their vaccinations while on the road, I have successfully used the below link. It is an interactive website which allows you to enter some basic information on eligibility first then to find a site near you, or at a specific location where you can get your jab. https://covid-vaccine.healthdirect.gov.au/eligibility Before there are any arguments on the merits of the vaccination, I am not advocating whether you should or should not be vaccinated. The information is purely for those who want to use it. I do have a view about vaccinations but this is not the place for that debate.
    4 points
  31. We are now at Hay, NSW. We are going to the RSL for dinner (they have great Chinese food!) and camping down on the Murrumbidgee just on the outskirts of town. Our camp site has its own QR code to check in! Most spots seem to have one, sited on a little white pole. Before leaving home I downloaded every state’s QR code and have them ready as we cross borders. A lass at the Balranald supermarket said this morning that she didn’t think NSW was using QR codes …. Moral of that story is not to take advice on QR code readers from checkout staff. The cafe certainly required it to checked in.
    4 points
  32. AN OLDER LADY An older lady headed to the bank to make a withdrawal. She handed her bank card to a bank cashier and said, “I would like to withdraw $10. The cashier told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.” The old lady wanted to know why… The cashier returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line of customers behind you.” The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the cashier and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The cashier was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and told her, "You have $500,000 in your account and the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back tomorrow?" The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The cashier told her any amount up to $3,000. “Well, please let me have $3,000 now.” The cashier then angrily went back to the vault retrieved stacks of $20’s and $10’s and spent the next ten minutes counting out $3,000. “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”, the teller asked sternly. The old lady put $10 in her purse and said, “yes, I’d like to deposit $2,990 into my account.” The moral of this tale… Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
    4 points
  33. Situated on the shores of Lake Alexandrina, probably an hour or so from Adelaide, this lovely free campground is a very special spot. It’s at S35 50 05 E139 2 46. Near Milang, it is accessed via a 10km gravel road, of which 2km is a bit ordinary. No facilities here whatsoever, just lots of peaceful beauty. Mind you it’s the school holidays starting tomorrow...😄
    4 points
  34. OK, from another forum (Caravaners forum) where a member there pretty much asked the Federal Government responsible agency the same question. He got a response which said: "Thank you for contacting the Australian Government Department of Health.You don’t have to get your second dose at the same location. This includes if you are travelling — even in a different state.Your first dose of the vaccine will be recorded in the Australian Immunisation Register, so your vaccination provider will be able check which vaccine you received (to make sure your second dose is the same) and when you received that first dose (to make sure the recommended time has passed).To be fully vaccinated, you must have two doses of the same vaccine, given at the appropriate dosing schedule.If you get the Pfizer vaccine, you'll need 2 doses, administered 21 days apartIf you get the AstraZeneca vaccine, you'll need 2 doses, administered 4 to 12 weeks apartIf you received a COVID-19 vaccine while you were overseas, only a recognised vaccination provider in Australia can add your details to the Australian Immunisation Register.You will need to provide your vaccination documents in English. If they are not in English, you will need to get them translated.You can keep up-to-date on COVID-19 vaccine developments on the Australian Department of Health website, including priority groups and who will receive the first doses of the COVID-19 vaccine and how the COVID-19 vaccines will be distributed.You can use the COVID-19 vaccine eligibility checker to find out when you can receive a COVID-19 vaccine.You can also:Download the official Government ‘Coronavirus Australia’ app in the Apple app store or Google Play; orJoin the WhatsApp channel on iOS or Android.If you need to speak to someone, the National Coronavirus Helpline is also available on 1800 020 080. It operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week.Kind regards,COVID-19 Vaccine Enquiries Team"
    4 points
  35. Sandra, you guys are probably experts and able to guide the rest of us! Our plans are to come North from SA, leaving here in May and arriving around Brisbane about mid June. The places we love around QLD (in no particular order) are Lake Tinaroo (Atherton Tablelands); Sandstone Park at Carnarvon Gorge, Lawn Hill, Lake Wivenhoe near Esk, Lara Wetlands.... Many of these may be visited this year. Of course, we do prefer the remoter regions too... We might see you out there!
    4 points
  36. As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $15 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, then trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. and barks repeatedly. No answer. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself (Whap!) against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. Eventually a small guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What are you doing? This dog's a genius!” The owner responds, "Genius, you say? .. That's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!”
    4 points
  37. Merry Christmas to you too Tony & Annie, It will be a very sad day when you step down as I believe you have done an exceptional job, but also understand the need to move on. I would like to thank you for your mammoth effort in a job well done. You will be missed. We will always in touch. We are currently in Yungngora in the Kimberley WA but are about to head back to Maningrida in Arnhem Land in 2 weeks for a 5 week stint before heading back to Kalumburu in the Kimberley again for 5-6 weeks. Then we will be back home for a month before we head off again. Have a great new year guys. Steve & Kerry
    4 points
  38. There has been a large update done to the website. If you encounter problems please advise me. The banner size has changed as well. I will need to rework this.
    4 points
  39. As we live in SA, where are (theoretically) no COVID-19 cases, we are free to travel intrastate. So we headed first to the Flinders a few weeks ago. And then we travelled to the Gawler Ranges NP. We came out from the park earlier today. What spectacular country! I didn’t imagine it could be so special. Gorgeous goldS and reds In the Ranges, and interesting foliage. We had the best camp site in the best campground in the whole park, I think. We camped at Yandinga campground. It can accommodate up to 9 camp groups, according to the booking website. The sites are large and well separated. Ours could take two or three vans if in a group. The only facilities are a drop toilet and fireplace at most sites. Given there were freezing nights, a fire was nice for cooking or sitting around. When we got up yesterday, the Weber BBQ was covered in ice. But days were sunny and warm. Perfect. The road out there was fine, although that changes on a regular basis, depending on when last graded. The short track into Yandinga was very corrugated. There is so much to see and do in the park that we didn’t get to see or do it all. Another trip! We left this morning as previous weather reports said rain was due in a day’s time. Now of course, that has changed and rain is not due at all. Sigh. Anyway, here are several photos.
    4 points
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