Jump to content

Webby

Honorary Life Member
  • Posts

    669
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    15

Posts posted by Webby

  1. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico .

    Note: Please take time to read this slowly.

    If you pay attention to the first two judges,

    the reaction of the third judge is even better.

    For those of you who have lived in New Mexico , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza.

    Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chile taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL.

    Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3.

    Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

    CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

    Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

    Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.

    CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

    CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.

    Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.

    Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

    CHILI # 4- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

    Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

    CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

    Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno pepper s make a strong statement.

    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off.. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

    CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

    Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.

    Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.

    CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

    Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

    CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI

    Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

    Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

    Judge # 3 -- No report.

  2. Hmmm...this looks like a bit of a landslide result. :shades:

    If no one has any objections I think we can safely turn it all back the way it was first thing tomorrow morning.

    I will leave the Poll open up until Xmas, just in case the impossible happens and the nays-sayers suddenly display a surge overturn the impending result.

  3. Just making this post so people don't miss the "pinned" Poll at the top of the forum. Or click here

    Everyone is allowed to vote. Only one vote per person. No one can see your vote, however the progress can be viewed by everyone.

    The poll will close and votes will be counted prior to Xmas Day.

    Please Note: Only those who are not moderated (ie have made 3 or more postings) can vote in this Poll.

  4. Hi Tony,

    I was only thinking that just the other day. I think it is almost time to start our poll to see if everyone likes the upside down forum.

    My personal opinion - I thought I'd like it.....but turns out I don't.

    Poll starting soon.

  5. No, the unit is totally different to the AVNC unit. The unit on eBay looks like it ejects and flips the screen, whereas my AVNC is a double din screen set into the dash.

    I guess OziExplorer is only as good as the supply of maps that you have, and it sounds like the people you followed had a good supply of maps.

  6. Hi Frank n Di

    I have recently purchased the AVNC 3000 from Olbis here in Brisbane and absolutely love it. I primarily wanted it to run OziExplorer and was looking for an in-dash unit. I was over cables running all over the place and things stuck on windscreens that you need to remove every time you left the vehicle in shopping centres etc.

    It has a turn-by-turn GPS (iGo) DVD player, MP3 player, radio, bluetooth for mobile phone, reverse camera, CD player...and a few others I can't think of right now, but I'm sure you've already investigated all that.

    As for the cost - yes it is expensive, but on our upcoming trip to the Kimberley next year it will prove invaluable. To me it is worth every cent. I only wish we had it installed for our last Cape trip.

    There are a couple of other members of the forum who also have this unit and if you're in the Brisbane area and would like to see it firsthand, I'd be happy to show it to you.

    As for the eBay one you are looking at, I can't really comment - it looks good and reads good, but from my experience you get what you pay for. It would be good if you could get in touch with someone who has bought one of those for their feedback.

    As an afterthought, you could join http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/OziUsers-L/ which is an OziExplorer forum and post a question to the group about the unit you are looking at. Someone might just have one, or at least give you the feedback you're looking for about running Ozi on a similar unit to the AVNC.

  7. John,

    What an awful fright that must have given you. Glad no disaster came from it as I don't think you'd ever recover from something like that.

    Shows the benefit of a reversing camera though. You need to have eyes everywhere with little ones about.

  8. Darryl,

    I know your decision would not have been an easy one and I am glad you will still be lurking in the background of the forum somewhere.

    We of course will continue to enjoy yours, Sue's and Mitch's company offline as we always have.

    PS - You might like to also list your van with the KOG Classifieds? section.

  9. Thanks so much for that Alex and Fiona. It was well worth the download and I found it both informative and very amusing in parts.

    There was one part there I think I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.

    Think I'll pass on the prairie oysters.

    Thanks again.

  10. Yes you most certainly can Steve.

    With the forum I have access to your username, but do not have your password - hence the reason I need to know both of these again to set up your access to the gatherings page.

    I will be uploading the Website Help document later tonight (currently it doesn't appear to be available from the Membership page, so will fix that link).

    In the meantime I have attached it below in this posting so hopefully that will give a good overview of the whole website and how it all works.

    Website_Info_Help.pdf

  11. Hi Ian and Jill

    Are these weights with the water tanks filled also? Assuming one of your water tanks is at the front of the van (and it is not your drinking water) you could work out a way to leave it empty, thereby taking some weight from the ball. Perhaps carry the wood in the rear of your vehicle, or move the outboard to another location.

    Any answers to your weight issue will not be what you want to hear, but everything is a compromise.

    I am sure the Kedron boys will make some suggestions when you speak with them.

  12. Nice catch Rosco.

    Perhaps you might like to add this great fishing spot to the Kedron camp spots. It would be great if you had some GPS co-ords with it?

    I was going to say - hope you guys are having fun, but I can see you obviously are !

    Drive safely.

  13. Hi Chris

    We are not quite home yet. Should be back by the weekend, all going well.

    We have had an absolute ball !! Anyone who has not done The Cape yet should definately put it on their "to do" list. What an adventure. We left the van at home for this trip as we wanted to do the Old Telegraph Track, and tented it. The van is going to seem like The Ritz after this !

    We covered every type of road surface imaginable and some of the water in the creek crossings was over the bonnet. No damage at all to the vehicle, but gee it was rough on a set of tyres. The Cruiser is absolutely covered on dust (inside and out). Even a bit of Cape "pinstriping" to polish out.

    Anyone wanting to take their van to the top via the Bypass would have no trouble at all. The roads are great (although a little currugated - 9,658,002 to be exact). Loyalty Beach is a nice spot to base the van while you take the car the additional 40-50 klms through bush and rainforest tracks.

    Dave Gall is an absolute legend gettin that Kedron up the Old Telegraph Track !

    Will post some pics when we get home.

  14. Hi all,

    The Poll on the order of the postings in our forum has now closed.

    Looks like the majority want the postings reversed, so I'm about to press the button to do that now.

    The results were a little closer than I thought they would be, so may I suggest we reverse the postings until the end of the year and take another poll then.

    Cheers

  15. Hi Reg,

    I could think of nothing worse than returning to camp to find your much loved Kedron gone. I have heard stories of vans even being stolen from the front yard.

    I guess it goes without saying that you should have good insurance cover, however we have also added the security of a large padlock to the hyland hitch (see pic below). If you can include the chains into this lock up as well that would be great as vans have been known to be dragged away by the chains, although I think a Kedron would be a little too heavy for this and the thief, seeing the padlock, might look elsewhere for a lighter, softer target.

    You could always slap on a wheel clamp, as this would certainly deter the "opportunist".

    post-1-1242192890_thumb.jpg

×
×
  • Create New...