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  1. Seamus starts his new job at the Dublin zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything... He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure. He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo.. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?" The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had .... Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees!!..
    5 points
  2. Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoeshine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market? ” The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic? ” The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market. ” "What's your name? " asked the executive. John H. Smith was the reply. The CEO arrives at the bank and asked the Manager of the Customer Department; Do we have a client named John H. Smith? "Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, "he is a high net worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account. ” The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honour at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience. ” At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. " We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.” Mr. Smith began his story. "I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele.I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a hooker in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
    4 points
  3. Hi all, happy to be the new owner of an XC5 and should have it by the end of the month. We have been waiting for the current restrictions to be lifted so we can pick up our loverly new van but have decided to have it shipped down so will be in it very soon. We look forward to meeting you on our travels and Sue and I, plus our puppy Indi are happy to be apart of the group. Regards, Tom
    2 points
  4. No....ALL contributions are welcome & equal Travel safe & hugs for Caroline.
    2 points
  5. Think you can have the job! Better than mine.
    2 points
  6. PADDY'S OYSTERS A hard-working Irishman at a coastal village in Ireland: Daily, Paddy would pole a heavy old punt out to sea, then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works. He was a man of regular habits; he always arrived home each day at a certain time. Sadly, Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on his faulty heart. One day he failed to come home; his wife soon contacted the Police to investigate as to why paddy was missing. The Police rowed out and sadly found Paddy dead in the punt; beside him a huge grapple full of oysters he had tried to hoist aboard. Headlines next day in the 'Irish Times Newspaper' said: OYSTERS KILPATRICK!
    2 points
  7. Hello fellow forumites. I almost forgot to post my final trip report. This one covers that final saunter home from Innamincka, through the Clare Valley and before that the Flinders Ranges. I wish I was still out there…. Stage 5 Innamincka to Home.pdf
    2 points
  8. Hi It's over 12 months since this thread has been contributed to, my question is.... we have purchased a new GXL 200 series and are keen to understand how the gvm upgrade affects the ride when not towing/loaded up for a trip. What are your experiences? Thanks
    1 point
  9. Hi Tom, Sue & Indi, Welcome to the Kedron Owners Group, there is lots of Kedron related information on this website. With regular 'visits & contributions' to the site you are keeping it fresh, vibrant & interesting for all. If there is a topic or answer you cant find......just ask! Hope we meet one day at a gathering or somewhere down the road one day! Travel safe.
    1 point
  10. Welcome Tom and Sue, you must be very happy that your new van will be arriving soon. Let’s hope you will be free to travel in it even if it is in your own state. Some great campsites on the Murray. Stay safe and happy travels, Sandra
    1 point
  11. Hi Tom and Sue. Welcome to the group, and enjoy your travels. Cheers from Pete.
    1 point
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