Jump to content

TonyH

Ordinary Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,158

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    290

 Content Type 

Posts posted by TonyH

  1. The luck of the *****?

    in Around the Campfire

    Posted

     

    IRISH SAUSAGES  ...............  RACISM?

     

     

     

    Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

     

    A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausages?"

     

    The assistant asks, "Are you Irish?"

     

    The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am, but let me ask you something...

     

    If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

     

    Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

     

    Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

     

    Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

     

    Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"

     

    The assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

     

    The guy says, "Well then, just because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?"

     

     

     

    The assistant replied,  "Because you're in *Bunnings."

     

     

    • Like 1
    • Haha 2

  4. Nearly Friday joke

    in Around the Campfire

    Posted

    1009689631_bandaid.thumb.jpg.22478ee05e4cf9a7942e3c6891171920.jpg
     
     
     
    AN ELDERLY COUPLE STOPPED AT PIZZA HUT FOR LUNCH. AFTER FINISHING THEIR MEAL, THEY LEFT THE RESTAURANT AND RESUMED THEIR JOURNEY. THE ELDERLY WOMAN UNKNOWINGLY LEFT HER GLASSES ON THE TABLE AND DIDN'T REALISE THIS UNTIL THEY HAD BEEN DRIVING FOR ABOUT FORTY MINUTES. BY THEN, TO ADD TO THE AGGRAVATION, THEY HAD TO TRAVEL QUITE A DISTANCE BEFORE THEY COULD FIND A PLACE TO TURN AROUND, IN ORDER TO RETURN TO THE RESTAURANT TO RETRIEVE HER GLASSES.
    ALL THE WAY BACK, THE ELDERLY HUSBAND BECAME THE CLASSIC GROUCHY OLD MAN. HE FUSSED AND COMPLAINED AND SCOLDED HIS WIFE RELENTLESSLY. THE MORE HE CHIDED HER, THE MORE AGITATED HE BECAME. HE JUST WOULDN'T LET UP FOR A SINGLE MINUTE.
    HIS RELENTLESS SCOLDING FINALLY CEASED WHEN THEY ARRIVED AT THE RESTAURANT. AS HIS WIFE HURRIED INSIDE THE STORE TO RETRIEVE HER GLASSES, THE OLD GEEZER YELLED TO HER, "WHILE YOU'RE IN THERE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET MY HAT AND CREDIT CARD."
    • Haha 3

  5. No pun in ten did.

    in Around the Campfire

    Posted

    John Travolta tested negative for coronavirus last night. Turns out it was just Saturday night fever. 

     The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. 

     I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself that's the last thing I need. 

     Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off. 

     Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? 

     A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason, details are sketchy. 

     People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow. 

     Whatever you do, always give 100% unless you're donating blood.         (I love that one.)

    What did Snow White say when she came out of the photo booth?   Someday my prints will come. 

     A girl said she recognized me from her vegetarian club but I'd never met herbivore. 

     I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps but I'm slowly getting over it. 

     What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.

    I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year.  Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage. 

     If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator? 

     My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him. 

     Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case. 

     There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

    • Haha 4

  9. Another Sunday funny

    in Around the Campfire

    Posted

     

    A Jewish bookie was at the races playing the ponies and losing his shirt. 

     

    He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. 

     

    Lo and behold, that horse - a long shot - won the race.

     

    Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. 

     

    Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses. 

     

    The bookie made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse.

     

    Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next.

     

    He bet big on it, and it won.

     

    As the races continued the Priest kept blessing horses, and each one ended up winning.

     

    The bookie was elated.

     

    He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's next blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

     

    True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was 100/1. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The bookie knew he had a winner and bet every cent he had on the old nag.

     

    He watched dumbfounded as the old nag pulled up lame and couldn't even finish the race.

     

    In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was standing. Confronting him, he exclaimed, "Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed never even had a chance. Now, thanks to you I've lost all my money!"

     

    The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. "You aren't Catholic are you my son?"

     

    "No, I'm Jewish."

     

    "That's the problem", said the Priest,

     

     "you couldn't tell the difference between a blessing and last rites."

    • Haha 3

  16. Solve My Claim.

    in Product Information and Services

    Posted

    Greetings all, trusting this finds you well & happy (& dry if your in SE QLD)

    Last June Annie & I were travelling on the Plenty Hwy towards Alice Springs, very looooong story cut short we had a transmission failure with the 'tug' (GMC Sierra) we were towed into Alice and spent the next ten weeks there trying to get the problem sorted, (side story even loooonger) now back home (Maryborough) still having problems, but then that's another story.

    On removal of the transmission in Alice it was established that the failure of the transmission was caused by impact damage to a wiring harness under the vehicle being impacted by a stick or stone resulting in the wiring shorting out destroying the Transmission Control Module (TCM) and in turn locking the transmission in at least two gears. Being 'accidental damage' as opposed to a breakdown I was able to submit an insurance claim for the cost of repairs.

     

    I'm not going to name the (major player) insurance company or the repairer (as it it is irrelevant to this post).

    My initial dealings & enquiries with the insurer, were cordial, professional & reasonably stress free, but as the repair bills & wait times were ever increasing my stress levels started to rise.

    Although being very comfortable in Alice (such a beautiful town with so much to see & do) being 'so far' from home....Annie informs me I wasn't the easiest person to live with!

    A lot of free time was spent 'touring' Alice. On one of my tours, I happened to see a vehicle with sign writing on it, blazed down the side of it 'Solve My Claim'. Returning to the caravan I googled this company, & their website was informative and answered most of my questions, to my surprise they were based in Alice!

    I sent an email, outlining my situation to Solve My Claim (SMC).

    In due course I was contacted by David Keane the principal of SMC. David outlined his companies purpose & structure & how he believed he (SMC) could assist me with the claim process with my insurer.

    (Please note, at this time I have a good relationship with the insurer & repairer.....but as the $'s being paid out by me are ever increasing my stress levels were rising....wondering how much the insurer would cover & refund me)

    We decided to engage SMC, from that moment on, all my communications to the insurer were done by SMC. SMC's experience & knowledge immediately dropped my stress levels.

    To date SMC have been able to recover ALL of my outgoings relating to the repair of the transmission, plus an additional amount ($1000) SMC found in the small print of the insurers 'small print'

    Yes....we did have to pay Solve My Claim for their services, .....but we believe, the amount we paid for their professional services was far less than the extras SMC were able to secure for us in the claims process....with NO STRESS!

    Solve my Claim can assist with ANY insurance claim, house, vehicle, caravan etc.

    Have a look at their website https://solvemyclaim.com.au/  ...there only a phone call or email away!
    Annie & I would have NO hesitation in engaging their services again! 

     

    Usual disclaimer......

    Annie & I have NO affiliation with SMC other than being very satisfied clients!

     

    Travel safe 

    Annie & Tony

     

     

    • Like 4

  19. LandCruiser 300 series

    in Public Forum

    Posted

    Hi Matt,

    The only reviews you will get at the moment are from motoring journalists, as the vehicle (300series) won’t be available for public sale until possibly late this year…..any reports you read at the moment will be possibly biased toward Toyota……not doubting it will be a very capable performer!

    • Like 2

  21. Air Conditioner upgrade

    in Public Forum

    Posted

    Hi Phillip,

    On our ATV we originally had a Dometic B3200 fitted from new, yes it worked (in a fashion) but was very noisey both internally and externally.

    After some investigation I decided to update and go to the ‘new’ at the time Dometic Harrier unit.

    We have been very happy with our choice, it is much (a lot) quieter inside and nearly silent outside, it has a much quicker cool down and having an inverter compressor is less power hungry when using the inverter (I can easily use the a/c in excess of six hours just on the inverter with 400 amps of lithium at night I have just on 1kva on the roof panels which lets me use the a/c with no worries in full sun)

    The Harrier unit is still a current model in the Dometic range and we are very happy with our choice…….sorry don’t know anything of the Cree unit.

    Have a safe and happy Christmas 

    CU down the road

    Tony H

    • Like 2
×
×
  • Create New...