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Bas

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Everything posted by Bas

  1. Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, ‘Titanic’ and ‘My Life’ by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. Titanic: Cost – $29.99 Clinton : Cost – $29.99 Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton : Over 3 hours to read Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton : The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton : Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton : Ditto for Bill Titanic: During the ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined. Clinton : Ditto for Monica. Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton : Let’s not go there. Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewellery. Clinton : Monica is forced to return her gifts. Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton : Clinton doesn’t remember anything. Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of Seamen. Clinton : Monica.. Oh, let’s not go there, either. Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton : Bill goes home to Hillary – basically the same thing
  2. “Lemon Pickers Needed" - ad in the Gayndah Times newspaper. Ms. Sally Mulligan of Launceston, Tasmania, read it, and decided to apply for one of the jobs that most Tasmanians are not willing to do. She submitted her application for a job as a Lemon Fruit picker but seemed far too qualified for the job. She has a liberal arts degree from the University of Tasmania (Sandy Bay) , and a master's degree from Monash University (Melbourne). For a number of years, she had worked as a social worker, and also as a school teacher. The farm owner studied her application, frowned, and said, "I see that you are well educated, and have an impressive resume. However, I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said... "I've been divorced three times, owned two Holdens, voted twice for Annastacia Palaszczuk, and once for Anthony Albanese." She started work yesterday.
  3. Hi Tony and Happy Traveller Have now had our GLX for 3 weeks and now sitting in the van at Evans Head, after a few days at Port Macquarie for our previously thrice cancelled Apex Club of Pennant Hills reunion. After the 100 series there is a lot of technology to come to grips with in the 300 but it's all good and you can turn off things you don't want or like. We put the 300 and van over the weighbridge before we left Brissy and revealed we have 300 kgs up our sleeve on GCM, majority of that vehicle related. Using WDH the vehicle and van maintain a level stance so no need for bags or heavier springs. It cruises very easily at the speed limit and at 110 kmh is turning at 1500 rpm. And the gearbox is seamless so hard to know at times which of its 10 gears it's in. Fuel consumption is 16 l/100 ks. Happy Traveller, I have four 18" 300 series alloys with Grandtreks which have done all of 150 kms so let me know if you are interested in replacing the 17" the GL is fitted with. It's a very positive thumbs up for the 300 so far. Cheers, Bas
  4. Thanks Karen, the pics came up by themselves without links when I posted but ain't technology a wondrous thing!? Bas
  5. An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
  6. Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks. 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure.' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks. 'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?' He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks. Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!' Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. 'Where's my toast?'
  7. Ain’t it the truth.. An Obituary printed in the London Times.....Absolutely Dead Brilliant!! Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn't always fair; - And maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, -by his parents, Truth and Trust, -by his wife, Discretion, -by his daughter, Responsibility, -and by his son, Reason. He is survived by his 5 stepchildren; - I Know My Rights - I Want It Now - Someone Else Is To Blame - I'm A Victim - Pay me for Doing Nothing Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing
  8. Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery: Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once their vows are exchanged? Finally, the riddle is solved. A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation. When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts where the brain absorbs these three stimuli: Aisle, altar, and hymn. She becomes mesmerized as she continually reinforces these perceptions: Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn. And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself: 'I'll alter him!’ HERE ENDETH THE LESSON
  9. A Scottish lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?" "Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault". "Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked. "In the park just down the road" she replied. "Can you describe what happened?" "Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me". "Could you give me a description of him?” "Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg". "Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant. "Yes", said the lady, "He was an English Cricketer". "That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?" "No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long"
  10. An Englishman's View of Australia! The following has been written by the late Douglas Adams of "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" fame. "Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognizable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight", proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory but they can't spell either. The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as continent, island or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically, it is unique in this. The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task. The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. A short history: Sometime around 40,000 years ago some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died. The ones who survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories. They also discovered a stick that kept coming back. Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons), ate all their food, and a lot of them died. About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal and litigate (marks of a civilized culture they say), whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert - equipped with a stick. Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on 'extended holiday' and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside their boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned. There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world, although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stone-fish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surf-boarders. However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk. As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a sour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud. Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz" or "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country"). The irritating thing about this is... they may be right. TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason - WHATSOEVER. The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is. Always carry a stick. Air-conditioning is imperative. Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you are a trained linguist and extremely good in a fist fight. Wear thick socks. Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. And don't forget a stick. Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore. HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS They pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin". They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep. They think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place, that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga", but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy". Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it's a must-have. How else do you get a stain on your shirt? They don't think it's summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle. They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction. And they all carry a stick.
  11. Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked. The headaches are all gone." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Damn! That was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife. His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
  12. Romantic Australians! You can't get more romantic than this! Aussie stockman and his wife had just got married and found a quiet hotel for their wedding night. The man approached the front desk and asked for a room. He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed." The clerk winked, ‘Do you want the 'Bridal'?' The drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied, "Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."
  13. Hi Matt and Tony 300s are being delivered albeit slowly, and we hope to get ours - a GLX - sometime this decade! But possibly February. I have had a short drive of a VX and a GXL but only a few ks. The higher the spec in the 300s you go the less load capacity, which is why, apart from $$$$s, we chose the GXL, although the GX beats it by about 85kg. Matt, Glen from Kedron made a U Tube or suchlike of a test he was involved in courtesy of Toyota. I rang and spoke to Glen and he was very impressed with the way it performed with one of their vans hooked up to it. Google Toyota Landcruiser 300 goes outback caravanning. Kedron now has a 300. Dealers are forbidden to discount however, but there could be a few exceptions. A word of warning: if you are to have any accessories fitted, do that post sale because if included in the purchase price you pay luxury tax on them. Cheers, Barry
  14. I am not sure I like being reminded about being old ……. Lovemaking Tips For Seniors 1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed. 2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting.(Turn them ALL OFF!) 4. Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember. 6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed. 7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act. 8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf, too. 9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!! 10. Don't even think about trying it twice. 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!' 'OLD' IS WHEN... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. 'OLD' IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 'OLD' IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. 'OLD' IS WHEN... 'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today. 'OLD' IS WHEN.... 'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot. 'OLD' IS WHEN... An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom. 'OLD' IS WHEN.... You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. (I sent this in large type so you can read it)
  15. A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT IS THAT WHILE JEWS MAKE UP ABOUT 2% OF THE U.S. POPULATION, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THEY MADE UP 50% OF THE FAMOUS COMEDIANS. Danny Kaye, Buddy Hackett, Sid Caesar, Groucho Marx, Woody Allen, George Burns, Allan Sherman, Jerry Lewis, Mel Brooks, Phil Silvers, Jack Benny, Mansel Rubenstein and so many others. There was not one single swear word in their comedy. JUST A FEW EXAMPLES: * I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. * I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! * What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!" * Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. * We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. * My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. * My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. * She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. * The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months. * The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!". * Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I am 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" * Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer it!" * A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started." * Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. * The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now. *There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the foetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school. Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak. "The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days. "The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call." A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it?" The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb? A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody." Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied. Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother? A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go. Q: Why are Jewish men circumcised? A: Because Jewish women don't like anything that isn't 20% off.
  16. Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment. Furious film fan and part-time plus-size XXXL model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the 'Ink It Good' Tattoo Emporium in Wellgate, Yorkshire last week, to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur. Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story. "It was a big job in more ways than one", he told us "I'd just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It's delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston's whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what's happening, there's a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire." Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework. "To be honest", said Jason, "I didn't even realize she was wearing one. You'd need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I'd have been none the wiser." Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame. "I'm furious" said Jason, "I've got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow's not there any more. I don't know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind would be more appropriate. You don't just let rip in someone's face like that. It's dangerous." But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant. "I'm still in agony," she said, "and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn't have had a fag on the go when he's doing close up work, there's no way I'd guff on purpose. He'd had me on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning, and I'd have done the same for Jason, but I didn't get chance – it just quietly crept out." Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn't surprised when we asked him to comment on what had happened. "People just don't appreciate the dangers," he told us. "We get more call outs to flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now that people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan 'Flame 'n fart – keep 'em apart'. Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in the future. On behalf of the entire Fire and Rescue service, we wish them both a swift recovery." You couldn't make this up if you tried!
  17. An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable. His wife says: “Why don't you put an ad in the paper?” The farmer does. Two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy" he replies. ______________________________ __
  18. Three elderly ladies were sitting on a park bench minding their own business when they heard a rustle coming from the bushes. Suddenly, a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them. The first lady yelled in shock and had a stroke. The second lady yelled in shock and had a stroke. The third lady’s arm was too short to reach.
  19. On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The gift certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his gift certificate to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for. The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned, "This is a powerful medicine, you take only a teaspoon, and then say 1-2-3. When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want." The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say 1-2-3-4," he responded, but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon." He was very eager to see if it worked, so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took of his clothes and said "1-2-3!" Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and started throwing off her clothes, and then she asked "What was the 1-2-3 for?" And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, or we could end up with a dangling participle!
  20. Think you can have the job! Better than mine.
  21. Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoeshine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine. One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market? ” The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic? ” The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market. ” "What's your name? " asked the executive. John H. Smith was the reply. The CEO arrives at the bank and asked the Manager of the Customer Department; Do we have a client named John H. Smith? "Certainly, answers the Customer Service Manager, "he is a high net worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account. ” The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honour at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience. ” At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. " We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoeshine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him.” Mr. Smith began his story. "I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele.I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a hooker in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
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