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Bas

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Everything posted by Bas

  1. PADDY'S OYSTERS A hard-working Irishman at a coastal village in Ireland: Daily, Paddy would pole a heavy old punt out to sea, then work a heavy iron grapple to bring up the sand oysters which he sold to the local ice works. He was a man of regular habits; he always arrived home each day at a certain time. Sadly, Paddy did not realise the heavy grappling was taking a toll on his faulty heart. One day he failed to come home; his wife soon contacted the Police to investigate as to why paddy was missing. The Police rowed out and sadly found Paddy dead in the punt; beside him a huge grapple full of oysters he had tried to hoist aboard. Headlines next day in the 'Irish Times Newspaper' said: OYSTERS KILPATRICK!
  2. Run your brain around this one! We've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time we've seen it with numbers. Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this OUT LOUD you have a strong mind. And better than that: Alzheimer's is a long long, way down the road before it ever gets anywhere near you! 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15! PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15. To my "selected" strange-minded friends: If you can read the following paragraph, forward it on to your friends with "yes" in the subject line. Only great minds can read this. This is weird, but interesting! If you can read this, you have a sgtrane mnid, too. Can you raed this? Olny 55 people out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this forwrad it. FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT!
  3. You worry about Liberal versus Labor, Green, etc. Well, relax. Here is the real problem. . In a university tutorial, the qualifications needed to be Prime Minister were being discussed. It was pretty simple, in that the candidate has to be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. . However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming Prime Minister. The class was taking it in and letting her rant, but all of their jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating: "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by Caesarean Section?" . ( These are the same sorts of people who are eligible to vote in our elections! They breed, go to Uni. and walk among us! )
  4. Hi Tony aka silly old fart, Was the solution to buy a plumbing fitting cap, which snugly fits on? Obviously you are up and running, or at least the vehicle is, again. And you now know Alice Springs like you never intended. Cheers, Bas
  5. COVID Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine myself entering a bank, wearing a mask, and asking for money. 😄 • Never thought my hands would one day consume more alcohol than my liver... ever!😝 • Lock down seems like a Netflix series: just when you think it's over, they release the next season.🤩 • I’m starting to like this mask thing. I went to the supermarket yesterday and two people that I don’t like didn’t recognise me. 🤪 • Those complaining that we didn’t have enough holidays, what now? 😍 • I need to social distance myself from my fridge; I tested positive for excess weight! 😋 • I’m not planning on adding 2020 to my age. I didn’t even use it! I don't know about 2021. Does it exist?😁 • We want to publicly apologise to the year 2019 for all the bad things we said about it. 😃 • To all the ladies who were praying for their husbands to spend more time with them — how are you doing? 🤣 • My washing machine only accepts pyjamas these days. I put in a pair of jeans and a message popped up : “Stay Home" 😂 2019: Avoid negative people 2020: Avoid positive people 2021: Avoid people because you don’t know if they are positive or negative I stole this, by all means do the same, make someone else laugh. 😷 Have a great day 😊
  6. FITNESS • The inventor of the treadmill died at the age of 54. • The inventor of gymnastics died at the age of 57. • The world bodybuilding champion died at the age of 41. • The best footballer in the world, Maradona, died at the age of 60. • James Fuller Fixx, credited with helping start America's fitness revolution by popularizing the sport of running, died of a heart attack while jogging at age 52. BUT ... • The KFC inventor died at 94. • The inventor of Nutella brand died at the age of 88. • Cigarette maker Charles Winston died at the age of 102. • The inventor of opium died at the age of 116, in an earthquake. • And, the Hennessey Liquor inventor died at 98. How did smart people come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life? The rabbit is always jumping up and down, but it lives for only two years, and the turtle, that doesn't exercise at all, lives 400 years. Get some rest, chill, stay cool, eat, drink and enjoy your life!
  7. Who doesn't love little Johnny During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: 'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?' Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude & impolite.' What about you Sherman, 'How would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once & show us your good manners?' Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.' The teacher fainted.
  8. Hi Chris, did the attachment fall off? Bas
  9. MATHEMATICS This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 years’ experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. It also made me Laugh Out Loud. This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =98% And K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 =96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 =103% And, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 =118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard-work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there. It’s the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top. Now you know why Politicians are where they are!
  10. Murphy in the shadows Murphy was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. 'Thirty euros,' she whispers. Murphy had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the hell, it's only thirty euros. So they hid in the bushes. They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is the Garda. 'What's going on here, people?' asks the cop. 'I'm making love to me wife,' Paddy answers sounding annoyed. 'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know.' 'Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that light in her face!'
  11. A very descriptive and interesting trip report. We have driven through Inglewood many times with and without van, and always stop for a cuppa and leg-stretch, but never had the time or need to stay over. The bakery there has good pies. Next time we go that way will plan a stop-over.
  12. A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Julie ..... Julie" "Is that you, Bob?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again". "Oh, Bob! Are you in Heaven?" "No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere near Mildura.”
  13. Tony and Annie, we feel your pain. What a pain in the A! It will be very cool there at the moment, but which is better, heat or cold? Hang in there and keep us posted on progress. Bas and Cas
  14. Perks of reaching 60 or being over 70 and heading towards 80! 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2 In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 4. People call at 8 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat supper at 5 PM . 9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10.Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 11. You can't remember who sent you this list. 12. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
  15. I saw my mate who is a builder coming down a ladder with a chimney pot on his shoulder, he looked like he wasn't well so I said to him "you don't look well pal I hope it's not covid ." "I'm coming down with the flue " he replied. ***************************** I used to know a baker who had red hair. He was a ginger bread man... **************************** What do you call a herd of sheep tumbling down a hill? A Lambslide.. ***************************** The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock. It said, “What's the matter, can't you afford a watch? Are you too lazy to lift your arm up, you idiot?“ It was Greenwich Mean Time.
  16. I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but none the less inquired: "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again?" The computer guy grinned... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out.... I D 1 0 T
  17. A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little grey hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, so he pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper and I thought you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
  18. Wheel arches, fridge vents, holes in the floor for pipes, cables etc, if you have a rear kitchen the rangehood vent, etc are all entry points. Use of a good quality flexible sealant works, and make sure there is no dust or dirt where you apply the sealant as it won't work and in time open up a gap. We were on a tag-along a few years ago with 10 vans in all. At the end of the first day on dirt the owners of a Jayco opened the door to be greeted by a thick, and I mean thick, layer of dust over every thing in the van. Bas
  19. PEEING ON MY FLOWERS IT HURTS JUST TO READ THIS!!! A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag." "Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer." "Well, now, not so fast," said the policeman. "Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?" "Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knothole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?' So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knothole, really quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some golfer sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!' "Well, that seems only fair," said the policeman, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?" "Not everybody pays," she replied.
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